


#icanteven

by TaMeaut



Series: Fountain Arc [2]
Category: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Genre: Angst, M/M, Smut, Violence, implied/non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:38:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8716024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaMeaut/pseuds/TaMeaut
Summary: What do you do when the one you love, loves another. What if the best you can do is not good enough. Will you resort to violence again? And what if this time it cannot be undone.





	

**Title** : The Fountain Arc II: #icanteven  
**Series** : Sungkyunkwan Scandal  
**Soundtrack** : #icanteven - The Neighbourhood  
**Spoilers** : Yes, episode 12-end  
**Time frame** : episode 12-end  
**Summary** : What do you do when the one you love, loves another. What if the best you can do is not good enough. Will you resort to violence again? And what if this time it cannot be undone.  
**Excerpt** : “ _It is not love it is lust... It is not love it is lust...The mantra beat in the same rhythm as Yong Ha's pulse under In Soo's thumb and it reminded him of how easily he let this guards down in Yong Ha’s company._ ”  
**Pairings** : Ha In Soo/Gu Yong Ha  
**Word count** : ~6500  
**Rating** : NC-17 (smut, angst)  
**Warning** : implied noncon  
**Other** : I have taken some of the drama scenes and used/changed the original dialogue somewhat to fit my scenario. Dialogue in italic is original dialogue from the series, while all other dialogue is mine.  
**Thanks** : This fanfic is dedicated to “ _happy fangirl_ ”, “ _lin_ ” and “ _kyouou_ ” who all left very nice comments on my “[Creep](http://archiveofourown.org/works/271343)” and “[Hardest of Hearts](http://archiveofourown.org/works/271799)”, thus inducing me to want to write more on this “unusual” couple. Also thanks to “Quoteaddict” (http://quoteaddict.wordpress.com/ ) who has a huge compilation of SSKS quotes – they came very handy when I was trying to piece this fanfic together!  
________________________________________________________________________________

” _I can't even, can't even hear your side_  
_Shame on me, you fooled me twice_  
_And you said I wasn't just like anyone, like_  
_But you treated me just like everyone, like everyone else_ ”

…

The sun of bittersweet hope shone brightly on Ha In Soo as well as on the Jangchigi players prepared for the intense game to come.  
The bright turquoise ribbon Yong Ha was wearing made his eyes look even sharper and his lips softer and In Soo's heart threatened to swell over its edge from unnameable emotions. He couldn't tear his eyes away, his focus seemingly tuned to Yong Ha and only Yong Ha. It wasn't the first time Yong Ha had worn his colours but it was the first time since after that night.  
In Soo couldn't help but smile contently at the idea of Yong Ha wearing his, HIS teams colours in the Jangchigi contest and not Moon Jae Shin's, but his smile faltered as Yong Ha pierced his eyes with a look of molten steel that cut straight to In Soo's heart, constricting it painfully as he recalled how he had made Yong Ha wear it.

...

“ _But me… why am I on your team?_ ” The slow perfunctory words hid their true weight and though Yong Ha's face showed nothing his voice was cold and detached in a way that suited him poorly.

“ _Because you are one of my men._ ” Isn't it obvious, In Soo thought, not thinking it needed to be explained. Of course Yong Ha was his now after that night they had shared. His man. His.

“ _Who says? I am Gu Yong Ha. I don’t intend to be anyone’s person in the future either._ ”  
“ _Yeorim_.” Confused at Yong Ha's insistence and feeling the cold anger emanating from Yong Ha’s slitted eyes, In Soo didn't understand his reluctance and opened his mouth to explained as Yong Ha cut him short.  
“ _There is only one way if you wish to keep me by your side. You have to keep me entertained. Right now, you are boring._ ” and despite not actually throwing the ribbon back at In Soo, In Soo flinched as if Yong Ha had, his stomach feeling strangely queasy at the icy words. It ached in a completely new way he didn't even want to start to comprehend.  
This new and surprising ache made In Soo see red and in his blind anger he had followed Yong Ha outside, grabbed his arm and forced the issue threatening Yong Ha with expulsion if he didn't follow his orders.  
Now he regretted it. He felt ashamed to have been reduced to pathetic threats to make Yong Ha wear a ridiculous ribbon and now he couldn't for the life of him understand why he had been so insistent. Maybe it had been the idea of Yong Ha wearing someone else’s colours that had shook In Soo up, more than he wanted to acknowledge.

In Soo knew it was a cowards explanation but the plan he had made this time was flawless and it would weigh up for his previous behaviour. This plan would mean the demise of the four and his ultimate victory over Goel Oh. It would be the perfect display in front of Yong Ha to show him who was worthier. It would show Yong Ha that In Soo was the better man. It would show the world.  
Contentedly In Soo clasped his hands behind his back as he started walking towards the “battle” grounds. Now all he had to do was wait for it all to unfold as he had meticulously planned.

However things unfold in the most unpredictable ways...Again, and again...

...

“ _That was really unlike you…to get your own hands dirty like this. Makes no sense._ ” In Soo couldn’t tell if Yong Ha was being coy or just rubbing it in but he did sound genuinely confused at In Soo’s erratically violent behaviour at the game. As was In Soo.

In Soo wasn’t just confused at the blatant destruction of his perfect plan but he was completely baffled at the idea of the left ministers son throwing himself in front of Kim Yon Shik like that. It was like nothing he had ever seen. “ _What makes no sense are those guys. How can something like this happen?_ ” His frustrations took its expression in the anger he felt over the destruction of perfect laid plans. Yong Ha cocked an eyebrow at the poorly repressed anger In Soo was showing yet said nothing and left in elegant silence as In Soo was deep in thought on how to recuperate from this fiasco.  
Too late In Soo realised that Yong Ha had twirled around and joined the winners of the Jang Chigi contest. The winners. In Soo’s mouth twisted in disgust at the word and the fact that it wasn’t applicable to his team. Nor himself.

He had lost. Maybe more than he knew, he thought as Yong Ha lit up in laughter at something Yoon Shik said.

He would retreat for now, he thought and started towards his room, alone, and the word tasted bitter, not for the first time.

...

This time the Yong Ha who stood outside his door did not sport a grand bruise loudly announcing the reason for his visit but lacking his hat and with lightly dishevelled clothes he looked very young and innocent, looking up through his eyelashes and smiling coyly when In Soo hesitantly opened the door letting in the cool night air.  
Minutes must have passed but In Soo was not aware for his mind must have turned off the minute he opened the door.

“Ha In Soo, are you gonna let me in or not?” Yong Ha smiled even broader and continued as In Soo made no movement “or are you just going to stand there gaping like a pond fish?”.  
The words sinking in, In Soo took a clumsy step back and with a mute hand gesture he invited Yong Ha in, as a torrent of thoughts and emotions fought for first place in his mind at this unexpected guest.  
Ha In Soo did unexpected very poorly as he was a man of careful planning and flawless execution of rules that had been carved in stone. Mounds of scenarios, rules of etiquette and his mothers recipe for hotpot passed by his brain until it settled on blank.  
Tonight Gu Yong Ha had been the very last person In Soo had expected to meet – he had assumed they would all be out celebrating. No doubt, under Yong Ha’s arrangement. So what on Earth was the same doing outside his door at this ungodly hour?

“Are you not going to offer your guest some wine?” Yong Ha had sailed in like an impertinent sparrow and fluttered down on the pillow next to In Soo's desk, languidly stretching his long limbs along the floor, while In Soo had been in his own thoughts at the door. As he finally closed the door after having peered out, looking for spies, In Soo focused on Yong Ha's face. Yong Ha was not looking on him but gazing into the ceiling as if the wooden beams were a matter of extreme interest.

In Soo, who had finally settled on surprised delight at seeing Yong Ha, could feel the emotion sinking like the setting sun and something darker threatened to take over. He tried to shrug the stinging feeling in his heart as he went deeper in to the room fetching a bottle and two small cups and unceremoniously slamming them into the low table in front of Yong Ha.  
The loud bang seemed to wake Yong Ha from his ceiling reverie. Whipping his head towards In Soo, his black eyes for a second showed a glint of startled surprise but they quickly melted into liquid night and the deepening creases around his eyes showed his amusement even if the rest of his face did not. Yet he said nothing, only reached for the bottle, pouring himself a cup that he then proceeded to quickly pour into himself, refilling it and while sipping the second cup he locked eyes with In Soo

“Sit down, Ha In Soo” Yong Ha's voice vibrated with amusement and this time the smile on his lips were genuine as he again sipped his drink while not letting go of In Soo's eyes. In Soo felt like a rat caught in a game with a cat and he was done with Yong Ha's games. For time is an ally to people who have patience and Ha In Soo had endless supplies of patience. He had unconsciously been gathering clues on Yong Ha's behaviour ever since “that” night and even before and he could see shapes forming, twisting and being put into designated places. Yes, Ha In Soo was starting to see it, and tonight was another clue, adding to the previous ones and despite many patches he could see it shape in front of his very eyes this evening and the shape had the unmistakeable profile of Moon Jae Shin.

Slowly, purposefully, In Soo sat down opposite Yong Ha, took the small cup and held it out like a challenge. Yong Ha accepted without so much as a word and nonchalantly reached for the porcelain bottle with a practised hand, letting those long slender fingers snake around the bottle, squeezing it lightly while pouring In Soo's cup to the brim. In Soo swallowed hard as he stared at those fingers and the memories of those same fingers on his body flashed uncomfortably in his mind. Mimicking Yong Ha he gulped down that first cup and reached for the bottle to refill it when he saw the amused glitter in Yong Ha's eyes. Again the idea that he was caught in a web where Yong Ha was some great spider holding all the threads flashed for In Soo and that annoying thought of Moon Jae Shin surfaced again until In Soo found himself unconsciously suffocating the bottle, as he poured himself another drink, as if it had been the neck of that brutish fellow. Yes, he resolved to himself, I am not any longer willing to go into your trap, Gu Yong Ha. It’s over. Gu Yong Ha you have finally met your match, and smiling on the inside he lifted the cup and again swooped it in triumph as Yong Ha watched In Soo's internal battle with great amusement.

…

It is not love it is lust... It is not love it is lust...The mantra beat in the same rhythm as Yong Ha's pulse under In Soo's thumb and it reminded him of how easily he let this guards down in Yong Ha’s company.

They had drunk several cups each and all earlier resolve had left In Soo and all pretence seemed to have left Yong Ha and In Soo found himself, against his own will, having a great time. Yong Ha was indeed an asset for any party and tonight he seemed to be more entertaining than ever although somewhere along the laughs and jokes In Soo had noticed how swollen and red Yong Ha's eyes were - had he been crying? Surprisingly In Soo felt a short stab in his chest but it vanished as soon as Goel Oh came into his mind.  
“What did he do this time?” Not until the laughter faded from Yong Ha's lips did In Soo realise he had spoken aloud. In Soo was horrified, he felt as if he had given away a knowledge he should have kept to himself into the very last moment, but now it was really too late.

Yong Ha looked away in silence as if he didn't want to acknowledge what In Soo already knew.  
“ _If being alive is worth no more than death, then what am I to you who’s by your side?_ ” Yong Ha's mumbling words were barely heard by In Soo, who mistook them for a question.

“You are one of my men, Yeorim, no, Yong Ha. Even if you tell me that you don't belong to anyone but yourself you are one of my men. My man.” The last words came through with full conviction and In Soo could feel it himself, the self assuredness, the confidence he had in those two words and he knew he meant them and he smiled at it but Yong Ha just stared at him and then gave out a dry chuckle and then another one and another until he was downright laughing and he kept laughing until In Soo's was bursting in anger and Yong Ha was writhing on the floor with tears in his eyes. While In Soo was counting to ten, closing his eyes, Yong Ha regained his posture and reached for the wine once again.

In his own defence In Soo had tried very hard not to fall into Yong Ha’s web but reaching for the wine in hurt anger by chance ended up with In Soo putting his full hand over Yong Ha's wrist and hitching his breath in his throat he had dared a hesitant glance at Yong Ha's face. It had been his undoing.  
The laughter, now abruptly choked, gave way to warm humid summer nights with glowing fireflies as In Soo lost himself in Yong Ha's dark eyes. Neither moved except Yong Ha's pulse ticking away under his In Soo's thumb as some kind of ominous countdown.  
In Soo could read nothing in Yong Ha's face but he suspected his own was not as blank as the flush of desire was rising as a tide inside him.

It is not love, it is lust…

The pulse continued its steady ticking, maybe slightly faster now, or maybe In Soo was imaging and In Soo could feel the steady thumping warmth spreading in his chest and stomach, dripping downwards.

“Ha In Soo ...”

"Ha In Soo ...", Yong Ha's breathy voice was hypnotizing and all In Soo could see was Yong Ha's soft mouth shaping the words that made up his name and it made its way straight to his cock.  
"… you are spilling your drink" still focused on Yong Ha's mouth and the desire building inside of himself, Yong Ha's words were slow to sink in but when they hit the magic moment was gone in an instant as In Soo realised he had tipped his half-full cup right into his own lap as he had been occupied by Yong Ha's pulse. The seductive warmth he had just experienced was now being replaced by a cold wet reality and his cheeks burned in embarrassment as he followed Yong Ha's glittering eyes down to where the contents of the cup had conveniently landed right where his not-very-Confucian state of excitement was very clearly outlined against the wet silk.

Mortified In Soo tore his hand away from Yong Ha's wrist and flew up in a most feeble attempt to cover himself but Yong Ha beat him to it. In Soo's gasp echoed in the silent room and he bit his lips not to let out anymore as Yong Ha's nimble hand slowly caressed his entire length thought the wet fabric.  
In Soo needlessly backed into the wall hitting the shelf with a loud thunk as Yong Ha moved into him, his hand like a scorching compress over the erection. In Soo found himself trapped not only between the hard wall and Yong Ha’s hand but also between his assertion and the sweet pleasure rushing through him.  
This is only lust … this is lust ... In Soo's eyes almost rolled back into his head and a small whimper was let out despite himself as Yong Ha's weight and warmth leaned into him and a moist whisper spilled from his plump lips into In Soo's sensitive ears.  
“Ha … In … Soo … you shouldn't waste good wine like this ...” and before In Soo could squeak a protest Yong Ha knelt down and put his tongue where his hand had been.

In Soo's mouth filled with the coppery taste of his own blood as three things occurred to him, first was that he had bit his lip trying to muffle his own sounds at Yong Ha's surprising move, secondly that he would come in his pants like a schoolboy if Yong Ha didn't stop moving his tongue right now and thirdly that this time for sure Yong Ha had beaten him, and beaten him good. And he didn’t even mind. Not the slightest.  
The second after his mind went blank as Yong Ha's tongue dragged across his entire length until he found the tip of Yong Ha's erection though his pants and the gentle sucking motion of Yong Ha's mouth brought In Soo's over the edge so hard and fast he didn’t even have time to breath out. Shaking against the wall he couldn’t stop the rhythmic pulsations now coursing through him and out from his cock mixing with the wetness from the wine and Yong Ha's mouth.

Grasping the wall, anything, like a drowned man grasp for a branch, In Soo stared wide-eyed on Yong Ha as he stood up, licked his lips and then grabbed In Soo and gave him a wet open-mouthed kiss. Having lost all resistance to the wet stain on his pants In Soo was no match for Yong Ha's tongue lapping his mouth he completely surrendered leaning on Yong Ha's light frame and responding back in a deep needy kiss tasting of copper, salt and freshly cut grass.  
“Tell me you need me” Yong Ha breathed in his ear as they surfaced for air. “Ha In Soo ...say you need me ...”  
“I ...” the words were almost out as In Soo caught himself, something cold taking over as the words registered in his hazy mind. Suddenly frustrated at his lack of control In Soo grabbed Yong Ha's arms in a vice-like grip and threw them around, grinding into Yong Ha, drawing a breathless gasp from him before he claimed his lips in an almost brutal wet kiss. He could feel Yong Ha's struggle against him prying away from the kiss by turning his face to the side exposing his neck instead but as In Soo dove into all that skin nipping at the pulse he could feel Yong Ha trying to push him away.

“NO” the word stopped In Soo in a motion and he could hear himself panting as if he had run the entire way from the library. Yong Ha’s black eyes persisted as they locked on In Soo's. “No, not until you tell me...”

In Soo felt like a cold bucket of water had just been tipped over his head. Not from Yong Ha’s protest but from the thought that had flashed in his mind at the insistence of Yong Ha’s demand.

Moon Jae Shin.

Somehow Yong Ha’s demand had to be connected to Moon Jae Shin and it filled him with ice cold liquid where the molten lava of desire had just passed. Was this a strategy from Yong Ha to somehow get revenge on Moon Jae Shin for something he had done? Or worse, was it a ruse to distract In Soo from something Moon Jae Shin was doing? In Soo found his jaws creaking in pressure of biting his teeth together too hard in anger and the words could barely be formed through the vicelike grip of his jaws.

“Then you tell me something, Gu Yong Ha. What are you doing here?” Yong Ha’s eyes dropped suspiciously at the question and the demure silence that met him as the question dropped was answer enough for In Soo. Yet he pressed on.

“Why didn’t you take the ribbon Yong Ha? My ribbon. I would treat you good, I would. Why did you refuse me? Is it really true that no one can ever have you or is it just a facade you put up because you are already...taken?” In Soo hated the high pitched tint of desperation that seemed to leak out through his voice and even more so as Yong Ha’s eyes were still locked on the floor.

Desperate for an answer, any answer, In Soo pressed on. “Is it Goel Oh? Is he the reason that ...” further he didn’t get for Yong Ha’s eyes whipped up and spouted pitch black anger at In Soo and the words that left his soft lips were nothing less than spiteful. “And you, Ha In Soo. Why did you hit Sun Joon? Not acting according to your plans is he? Nor anyone else for that matter. You can’t stand it can you, when your perfect plans smudge like ink on wet paper.” Yong Has voice was full of taunt and his eyes were narrowed into moonlight slits. “Maybe we are not so different you and I, maybe we both don’t like it when our perfect plans don’t go as we want. It was a mistake to come here. I should leave. Goel Oh is waiting for me.” Yong Ha would have left that moment if not for the crushing grip In Soo still had on him, on his slender neck.

In Soo could feel rather than see, the red bleeding into his eyes as the rage, the deceit, the games playing nonstop in his head. The tension leaking from his mind into his body, his hands that were now wrapped around Yong Ha. That lean body crushed into the wall, the light gasps as the grip increased in pressure. Two words were highlighted, two words only. The rest had sunk into the background.

“Goel Oh” and “leave”.

Moon Jae Shin. He was like a devil that wouldn’t leave In Soo alone. Always whispering into his ear how weak In Soo was, how futile his struggle was, how he would never have anyone like Yong Ha, how he didn’t deserve him and never would.

And now Yong Ha was going to leave In Soo for Jae Shin. Gu Yong Ha was going to walk out of that door and leave. Into Goel Oh’s arms, no doubt.  
In Soo thought he would vomit at the pressure inside his head. He could see nothing but the flushed lips of Yong Ha struggling against his grip, trying to relieve the unexpected pressure against his body and throat. In Soo imagined those lips, what they had done to him before and what they were going to do the minute Yong Ha left here and it was as if something broke inside him.

Later In Soo would try to remember exactly how it had happened, what had really triggered it, but he would fail miserably. There were bits and pieces, sharp random memories pushing up to the surface like a thorn under the skin but they were without time, and cause.  
There had been noises. He clearly remembers the sound of expensive silk being ripped, of a struggle wrapped in someones annoying clothes, of someone breathing hard and fast. He remembers the taste of skin and droplets of sweat and the unbearable tension now pushing in his loins. He remembers falling into a pile with Yong Ha underneath him, writhing like a serpent as his hands were pinned above him. Skin hidden under layer and layers. Frustration upon frustration. Over it all loomed the pure desire of possession. Mine. Always.

He remember thinking, in passing, that it shouldn’t have had to be this way, but something had broken and something had to be broken in its place, as if passing your pain onto others relieve it in you.

He remembers vividly Yong Ha’s eyes locked on him like two embers in the dark as In Soo pushed into him hard and the sweet, sweet feeling of being sheathed within, as Yong Ha’s abdomen muscles leapt and constricted underneath In Soo’s roaming hand. The deep flavour of possession saturating every pore. Possession of Yong Ha. His Yong Ha. Completely his.

What he doesn’t remember, or so he tells himself, is choked protests drowned into his mouth, painfully clenched eyes or stray escaped strands of hair sweat-slicked to Yong Ha’s temple. Nor does he remember the hand covering Yong Ha’s mouth where muffled screams seeped through, like water from a sift, when he increased the already punishing rhythm as the throbbing in his balls intensified.

What he does remember is the climax of sensations as pure and unfettered lava spilled from him in waves, a throbbing flow that never wanted to stop as he, released sobbing cries into that perfect shell of an ear of a Gu Yong Ha that now belonged to him.

Then it all went black.

...

In Soo woke up with a start and for several seconds a laming fear gripped him as he knew not where he was or what time it was. What had woken him was the incessant pounding at his door as loud and obnoxious as the headache already enveloping his head. Grabbing his head in his hands he realised that he was still holding a ripped piece of silk, lilac silk. Yong Ha’s silk. Before another bang could be heard on his door all came back to him, all sensations, all implications and they all shone with a satiny frayed lilac.

“ _President! President!_ ”

In Soo let out an inaudible moan as he recognised the voice of one of his men, one of the less intelligent ones. He stood up and walked over to the door correcting his rumpled clothes in the process. He found himself standing in front of the door wondering if something would show on him if he opened it then took the decision that it was too late, too dark to really see anything. His hand resting on the door latch for a second before he crumpled the patch of torn silk still in his free hand and stuffed it into his coat, like a humid warm patch covering his quivering heart.

Breathing in hard he yanked open the door just as the man in front of it was about to call him out again. The surprise was obvious in his face and it was quickly transformed into fear-mixed awe when In Soo stepped out on the porch, like a worshipper had suddenly been graced with the presence of his god. Some distant part of him was content at the reaction but skimming over the man In Soo’s eyes quickly focused on the small item in the man’s hand and his hand went for it like it was magnetic.

Holding it out In Soo could see, even in the darkness, that it was a small exquisite fan in the softest pink silk – In Soo would never forget how that particular shade had fitted Yong Ha so well when he had bought it in the market. Now the edge was a little frayed and it had soaked up something wet, something dark, something flaking. Like dried blood.

“ _Yeorim's fan?_ ” The soft aspirated words spilled over his lips before he could catch himself and he hoped no one had heard him, or that they wouldn’t hear what he was hearing; a heart bared open.

In Soo barely heard his entourage’s explanation on how they had found the fan in Hyang Kwan Chung, trying to catch Moon Jae Shin, until something they said broke through the haze in his mind.

“ _Yeorim can’t be the Hong Byuk Seo, right?_ ”

“ _Gu Yong Ha hates anything that uses physical exertion. It doesn’t make sense!_ ”

“ _Maybe… that is a great disguise of his._ ”

“Shut up. Shut UP. SHUT UP” The words were far less controlled and calm than IN Soo would have liked but he didn’t feel like himself anymore. It was like the world that he knew, the perfectly ordered world he had created, had crumbled and was now slowly running between his fingers like dry sand, while he was desperately trying to grab it, to hold on to it. And with it his control was following.

He could see see them stepping back from him, fear lose in their eyes before they looked down and away. It gave him a small satisfaction to know at least they were afraid of him still. However Yong Ha wasn’t. Yong Ha was surprisingly fearless to have sneaked out to help Goel Oh after what THEY had done in In Soo’s room. Or what HE had done to Yong Ha, his mind stubbornly reminded him of but In Soo did not want to acknowledge it. Focus stayed on the idea that Yong Ha had gone from his bed to Moon Jae Shin. The thought made In Soo grind his teeth in the same way the small fan creaked as his now sweaty hands wrung it together. Somehow that sound was the voice his heart was speaking right now, a squeaky loud pitched noise of sudden pain and betrayal smudged with gut-wrenching guilt.

In that moment Ha In Soo would have preferred to drink himself to oblivion alone, behind closed doors. He wanted to smash something, someone. He wanted blood to flow over his knuckles, he wanted terror to shine from peoples eyes when they looked upon him. He wanted to lock himself up and trash his room until nothing could be salvaged, nor him. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.  
The fan in his hand grounded him, focused him into one cold concentrated beam of anger with one single thought in his head; death to those that betray him.

Death to Gu Yong Ha.

And that was how he found himself outside Gu Yong Ha’s door. The flimsy door didn’t look strong enough to withstand even a breeze and all he wanted to do was to was to violently beat it down and confront Yong Ha on the spot. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Instead he would contain and compress himself. Focus had always been his lifesaver and he needed it more than ever now. Ha In Soo breathed in deeply, pushed the door forcefully and took a decisive step inside the domain of Gu Yong Ha.

A Gu Yong Ha that was still clad in a ripped lilac silk robe, now all crumpled and untied, his hat still missing and his plump lips gnawed red. His head whipped up from the book he had in front of him and for a second paralysing fear flashed pass his eyes as they crossed In Soo’s, then it was replaced by something gut-wrenchingly hurt and he looked away.  
Ha In Soo’s guts lurched and he steeled his face to look impassively upon the one creature in the world that could make his heart ache like he had never experienced before. The creature he might have destroyed forever if the starch-white colour of Yong Ha’s face was any measure.

“ _What are you doing here at this hour, still not sleeping?_ ” Yong Ha’s faked yawn exposed his neck and In Soo could see the faint trace of bruises before Yong Ha faced him again.

“ _I wanted to tell you an amusing story you might like._ ” Neutral face, check. Smirk, check. Heart lurch, check. In Soo was terrified he would lose his cool in front of his bodyguard and wished a thousand times over that he would have told him to wait outside, for the need to reach out and touch Yong Ha and beg forgiveness on bent knees was like an innate drift quickly tearing him apart. He had to look away, intently focusing on the tacky Chinese lantern in the corner, for Yong Ha’s eyes bore marks of something deep and deeper still that In Soo did not want to adress. Ever.

“ _Really? I'm looking forward to it._ ” Remaining sitting with guests in his room and that dead flat voice was not like Yong Ha at all. In Soo couldn’t help but think that maybe he had seriously hurt him before, to the point of not being able to stand. Maybe Gu Yong Ha was hiding some horrors underneath that simple coat. Horrors put there by In Soo. The implications was making him almost nauseous. Hide you emotions, his brain was telling him. Hide your weaknesses. Pacing in an intimidating fashion, check.  
“ _The Hong Byuk Seo was stabbed by a royal guard, and came to hide inside Sungkyunkwan."_ The sound of Yong Ha’s hurtful moaning and images of bruised flesh flashed in In Soo’s mind and any feeling of revenge he had ever had before stepping inside Yong Ha’s room was now as gone as summer was.

“ _I see._ ” A sudden jerky movement by Yong Ha had In Soo breathing in sharply and as Yong Ha slowly stood up on seemingly shaky legs, leaning heavily on the wallpost In Soo was sure his wildest fears had come through. Gu Yong Ha was seriously hurt and it was In Soo’s fault. He caught himself realising that his body had positioned itself as if to catch Yong Ha. He almost laughed loud yet swallowed it quickly for his questioning had to continue, he too was watched, by his goons. The words had to pressed through his vocal chords with force for the implication was making them shake.

“ _But tonight, I came across a doctor who was rushing to leave. He said that he had treated a man's stab wound at Hyang Kwan Chung. And your fan was found at that very Hyang Kwan Chung. Why did you go to Hyang Kwan Chung, Yeorim?_ ” Yong Ha turned away even paler than before as In Soo trust the innocent fan towards him in an accusatory manner. In the candlelight of Yong Ha’s room the bloodstains on the fan looked even more fluorescent than before and In Soo found it hard to not stare at them, imagining it was maybe Yong Ha’s blood, by In Soo’s violence.

Yong Ha’s ink-black eyes locked onto In Soo’s and for a second he could see them waiver, then suddenly Yong Ha bent over clutching his side in supposed intense pain and In Soo instinctively reached out to catch him, his heart beating away in his chest.  
“ _Aigoo, aigoo!_ ” Grabbing Yong Ha’s hand that he was now clasping over his side he desperately needed to see what damage he had done, how serious it was. As he worriedly swatted Yong Ha’s hand away and exposed the soft unmarred skin of the side of his stomach he could hear the start of a taunting chuckle rolling forward through Yong Ha’s bruised throat. In Soo’s worry turned to red hot anger as he realised that Yong Ha was playing him. Yong Ha’s coal-black eyes turned to In Soo.  
“ _Look here...Wait, stop! Did you think that I, Yeorim Gu Yong Ha...was the Hong Byuk Seo? I'll admit it. At least for today, you were entertaining. Can you continue to put in much effort in the future?"_ In Soo thought he would vomit. Yong Ha’s eyes had narrowed and a small teasing smile showed on his lips as he took the fan from In Soo’s hand.  
" _As for this fan, I gave it to the page boys to be used as kindling to light a fire. It must have gone all the way to Hyang Kwan Chung._ ” The idea that Yong Ha would have given away In Soo’s gift was suddenly unbearable. As if Yong Ha would accept nothing of In Soo, as if everything he could offer would always be second grade to everyone else. No, not everyone else just Moon Jae Shin. The name made him tense every muscle until breaking point. Moon. Jae. Shin.  
Ha In Soo would not be made mockery of. This was war and Moon Jae Shin had had his final laugh at the expense of Ha In Soo. Anger brewed in his chest and as In Soo turned around briskly and was about to pace out of the suffocating room, for he couldn’t bear to watch Yong Ha anymore, Yong Ha’s next words stopped him dead.  
“ _Look here! Why don't you give up your hide-and-seek and get some rest tonight? Your brilliant mind isn't working so well..._ ”

In Soo gritted his teeth so much he thought they would fall out yet managed to squeeze a warning through them.  
“ _I'll give you a piece of advice as well. As much as you want. In consideration of our past history, I'll kindly let it go this time, Gu Yong Ha. But...you should never insult me ever again. Don't forget! I...never give anyone a second chance."_  
In Soo turned in the door, his hand on the latch to have a final look on Yong Ha’s soft features and now steely eyes.  
_"You are no exception, Gu Yong Ha._ ” Then he took a last step outside leaving Gu Yong Ha behind him thinking how hollow his own words were. Gu Yong Ha had been that exception. Maybe he always would be. Gu. Yong. Ha. The words were so bitter In Soo would have liked to rinse his mouth and spit.

As Ha In Soo disappeared into the chilly night, leaving Yong Ha to close and lock the door and return to his to his bright and warm room where no doubt Moon Jae Shin was now bleeding all over Yong Ha’s expensive silks, he thought in passing that it shouldn’t have been this way. This was not have it was supposed to have happened, but Ha In Soo had indefinitely broken something tonight and in return he had to be broken in its place.

To pass on the pain.

Suddenly something snapped and he surprisedly stopped and found himself looking down on his hands where his nails had grinded half-moon’s into both palms of his hands and one fingernail had broken so violently it had pierced his skin.  
The blood was slowly running down his hand while In Soo distantly noted the acute lack of pain. He wondered if maybe he was immune. Yong Ha’s pale face flashed in his mind and his heart clenched hard as if it wanted to tell him the opposite. How stupid, of course he wasn’t immune to pain. No one is.

Pain is drowned by another, larger pain.

He resumed his path into the night while his clutched hands behind his back throbbed dully, leaving a small trail of blood in his tracks.

 

 


End file.
